World shocked to learn conferences for politicians, business leaders to collaborate places where politicians, business leaders collaborate

The world was shocked today by public revelations of “The Uber Files,” an international multi-year investigation into the company’s shady cooperation and lobbying of political forces. 

The ride-sharing company allegedly leveraged protests, deception, private lobbying of world leaders, and law enforcement to gain access to cities around the globe over a short period of time. Uber executives had private meetings, bypassing normal lobbying regulations, with top government officials as high as President Biden. 

But most shockingly at all, it seems many of these illegal or unfair deals were arranged through the Davos Conference, an exclusive meeting of powerful politicians and business interests held every year in Davos, Switzerland. The revelation reveals that Davos, and other such conferences, are places where politicians and business leaders actually collaborate for their own interests, instead of just sit around and do nothing as everyone had previously assumed. 

“I really thought it was just a place for the world’s most powerful individuals to gather and watch movies together,” local plebeian Donald Trump told The Daily Inquisition. “I never thought they’d, like, actually talk about stuff together.” 

The news is a bombshell to the unwashed masses who assumed their participation in the democratic process was equal to that of the elite. Populist politicians predict such never-before-seen lobbying and manipulation is bound to trigger the revolution of the lower classes any day now. 

“The poor suffer under a broken system, while the fat cats and wealthy oligarchs live in comfort and luxury!” a crazy old man calling himself “Bernie Sanders” was heard yelling. “Our demands must be met; stop such bourgeoisie corruption!” 

He continued, “Or, at least invite me next time.”

Originally published July 11, 2022