Local Democrat misunderstands role of parish Censer

OMAHA, NE—Local Democrat and parishioner Jordan Snyder did not seem to grasp his ministry as parish Censer during last Sunday’s morning Mass.

Snyder, a longtime member of St. Pius X Catholic Church, showed no unusual signs Sunday morning when the pastor asked him to fill in for a sick altar server. But that all changed the moment he was handed the incense and told he was the Censer that day. 

“He started running around the church and taking everyone’s phones,” fellow altar server William “Billy” Gioano recalled. 

Snyder next combed through personal texts, emails, and especially social media posts, yelling and screaming as he did. He sometimes got particularly agitated and would smash personal devices on the floor. 

“He kept shrieking this or that was ‘unacceptable’ or something. It was really weird,” the pastor said. “I really don’t see what it had to do with incense.”

Witnesses noted Snyder’s outbursts were most frequently directed at anything relating to conservative politics, but other correspondences were not exempt. 

“He saw me texting that Bernie was truer to principles than Biden, and he lost it,” Gioano said. “I guess he’s just really passionate about incense.”

Originally published Jun 7, 2021