Priest appeals to young people with ‘Whitesnake’-themed Mass

Everyone likes to talk about the crisis of young people leaving the Church. But one priest is determined to do something about it. 

Fr. Joseph “Joey” Ralphio has looked to welcome younger visitors with once-a-week liturgies based around Whitesnake, the popular hair glam band. The 74-year old priest, who prefers not to be called “Father,” told The Daily Inquisition he thinks it’s going well. 

“When you look around on any given Sunday, it’s all white or bald heads,” Joey said. “But now we look out and see crowds of youngsters! It really is great.”

Fr. Joey then gestured to the back pew, which contained 4 men who looked to be in their 50s. 

“Sunday Mass attendance has almost doubled!”

The priest said he first got the idea for the change after hearing about how many young people have stopped coming to Mass. 

“Latin, incense, chanting, formulaic approaches…these are what the young people hate,” Joey said. “Our Masses before were just so stiff and unappealing to the youths!”

At press time, when The Daily Inquisition asked what the parish was doing to attract Gen Z, the priest responded: “Oh goodness them?!”