Young Catholic weirdly confident Jesus was a Socialist

SAN DIEGO, CALIFORNIA—Young Catholic Jordan Rodriguez was reportedly “strangely confident” that Jesus aligned with his preferred political affiliation. 

Rodriguez was speaking to fellow students at the local St. Pius X’s youth group completely assured that Jesus was a Bernie Sander’s type socialist, casually bringing it up like it was an uncontroversial fact. 

“I don’t get why my parents didn’t vote progressive. After all that Jesus guy they say they like so much was a socialist Jew like Bernie,” Rodriguez was observed saying behind his #MeToo face mask. 

None of the observers noticed Rodriguez bringing up any passages from Scripture to justify his claim, nor demonstrate any familiarity with the Catechism or other Papal documents. 

“All these sell out boomers just don’t know their faith,” he muttered to himself without apparently even considering any alternatives. 

Long time youth group members, who don’t recall seeing Rodriguez much before, claimed it “didn’t faze” them, because “everyone knows that already.” 

Originally published Jun 30, 2022