Seventh Day Adventist panics as signs appear in the heavens

Local Seventh Day Adventist Seth Jasper was enjoying his vacation to the beach when something alarming caught his attention. 

Gazing with horror at the skies above, Jasper began to panic as he pointed out the various signs appearing in the heavens.

“The end times! The end times!” he screamed to fellow beachgoers as he gestured to the “COPPERTONE: IT LASTS!” banner trailing a low-flying plane. 

“It is just as Joel 2:30 predicted!” Jasper shrieked as another Coppertone advertisement appeared, flying the opposite direction. “Great signs will appear in the heavens!” 

“Oh gosh, it’s so much worse than I imagined!” he added

Jasper frantically began to dig a hole in the sand, presumably to seek shelter from the impending apocalypse. Other vacationers tried to calm him down, showing him that they were just advertisements, but Jasper tuned them out with cries of “Luke 21:11, Luke 21:11!”

“Oh man, I’ve got to prepare for the earthquakes!” he said. “Although, I should have seen this coming earlier. First the COVID pestilence, then the egg famine! Why, Lord, did I not see it sooner!”

At press time, Jasper calmed after noticing a “VOTE TRUMP 2024” banner, remembering that the signs will usher in the glorious 1000 year reign of Christ.