Parish in uproar over new speaker installation

St. Joseph’s Parish is in an uproar about their in-house speaker installation, according to various distressed parishioners.

“The sanctuary has needed a new speaker for a long time,” parishioner and djembe-choir director Kathy Clements said. “But the parish finance council could never find a quality one within budget.” 

Clements said that one day the pastor, Fr. Larry Griswald, just went out and bought a cheap speaker himself without consulting the council further. 

“I mean, can you BELIEVE him?” she sighed. 

The parish erupted over the bombshell revelations, with many threatening or actually leaving for the neighboring Episcopalian church. But further drama would ensue after Fr. Griswald tried to save money by installing it himself. 

“Larry just thinks he can do anything technical because he used to be an Audio-Video Engineer at Google,” Clements elaborated. “But everyone knows our Youth Minister likes tinkering with wires and stuff–it really should be him who installs anything!” 

Anger mounted within the parish so much that the permanent deacon was seen throwing blows at Fr. Griswald in the sanctuary during Mass. Many parishioners are calling for Fr. Griswald to immediately take down the speaker and let the finance council vote again. The speaker Fr. Griswald purchased would be thrown off the church roof and destroyed. 

“The really sad part is I bought the thing with my own money,” Fr. Griswald said.