‘Three Days of Darkness’ prophecy comes true; new parents don’t notice

The controversial end-times prophecy, the “Three Days of Darkness,” was fulfilled over the weekend, but new parents Tina and Ray Flannigan did not notice. 

The entire globe was covered with a thick blackness, as all man-made and heavenly lights went out. Anyone who left their house was struck down by demons lurking in the darkness, and loud wailing and cries of anguish rung out over the whole earth. 

The Flannigans got through the ordeal completely unscathed, and upon closer investigation appeared to be unaware anything unusual had happened. 

“We haven’t left our house in 4 weeks,” an exhausted-looking Tina told The Daily Inquisition. “And little baby Leo hates lights–wakes him up everytime, so we’ve been keeping the house dark and the blinds drawn.” 

Our single remaining reporter asked the Flannigans if they had heard the cries of the damned echoing through their neighborhood.

“No no, those were just the cries of the two other little ones,” Ray chimed in. “They’re really excited to have a new baby brother, but they also hate no longer getting all the attention.”

A faraway look came to his eyes. “It’s quite the bind.”

The prophecy claimed only those who prayed the Rosary would be spared, but the Flannigans seemed to have no time even to sleep. When questioned on this, Tina explained.

“Praying the Rosary is all I can do to keep from going insane,” she said. “I’ve had the beads in my hand from the first contractions. I can even pray in my sleep.”

She held up her hand, clutching a pair of beads with white knuckles. 

“Look, I’m doing it now! And I didn’t even notice!” she said with a smile.