Report: It’s hard to dance with the devil on your back

BREAKING–Scientists have confirmed that it is hard to dance with a devil on your back, according to a massive newly-released study. 

The groundbreaking research followed 400 participants over three years. Groups of 25 participants had various different devils strapped to their back, while the control group kept 50 subjects free of any devils at all. Both groups were instructed to dance; and all the devil-laden experiment groups reported a statistically significant decrease in dancing ability. 

“It is a truly remarkable result that confirms what we have wondered for years,” lead-researcher Dr. Hans Schlobertek said. “We tried with Tasmanian Devils, Jersey Devils, and of course Beezulbub himself–and any kind of devil drastically reduced the subject’s dance moves.” 

The research analyzed a variety of dance styles like the Charleston, the Jitterbug, and the Lindy Hop. Vigor and rhythm decreased on any day of the week and in all weather conditions, with the worst results being on Fridays with dark skies. 

The research finally puts to rest the fiercely debated relationship between Satan and dancing. Dr. Schlobertek emphasized that while the results may be disheartening for some, it’s important to remember that all experiment groups continued to dance even with a devil on their backs. 

“The dancing continued regardless. Unfortunately, it just slowed down and became more challenging when done with the devil involved,” he said. “But the dance went on.”

Dr. Schlobertek noted that there was one aberration in the results that deserves further research. 

“As said, carrying a devil made you worse at dancing among almost all dance styles,” he lectured. “But curiously, having Satan on your back actually correlated to increased dancing abilities for some modern dances like twerking, and whatever the latest TikTok dance trend is.”

“Very strange!” he added.