Op-Ed: Ugh, I’ve got to guard some boring Jewish peasant tomb over the weekend

Just my luck. 

It’s the first free weekend my regiment has had in what feels like FOREVER, and I get tapped to guard some dumb peasant’s tomb for whatever reason. For real, this is the one chance I get to have a little excitement for a change! And it’s ruined with a snoozeville overnight guard assignment. 

The REST of the guys are going out to some of the crazier bars in Judea. That’s always a fun time. Last leave Legionnaire Virilius got so drunk he pooped his armor and had to be carried back into camp! Oh well, it looks like nothing but sand and the cool night wind for me.

I don’t even understand why I’ve got to be here. As far as I can tell this guy was just some Jewish peasant. A common criminal, crucified like all the others. But because of some stupid local politics of this backwater town Pilate wants a squad stationed at his tomb. 

What’s going to happen? Some Jewish ruffians try to steal the corpse? Only these idiots would want to steal something as worthless as rotting flesh. And I’d like to see them try, besides! At least then I’d have a little entertainment in what I’m sure otherwise will be the most boring assignment in the history of my boring assignments.