‘OK Boomer,’ CBS co-hosts repeatedly tell crying Boomer Esiason

Tensions erupted Sunday in the CBS Sports newsroom between football commentator Boomer Esiason and his co-hosts, multiple sources who regularly watch football report.

The trouble started when Boomer, as he always does, predicted the Cincinnati Bengals to win. His coworkers at NFL Today reminded him that the Bengals weren’t even playing that week, but Boomer doubled down on his predictions. 

Studio host James Brown reportedly began the onslaught, muttering “OK, Boomer” in exasperation. Coach Cowher heard this and began laughing hysterically, prompting other hosts Phil Simms and Nate Burleson to join in.

“OK, Boomer! Hahahaha—Boomer, like your name and like the insult!” Burleson laughed into Boomer’s face. 

“Guys, that’s not funny,” Boomer said, growing visibly upset. “I’m serious.” 

But Phil Simms, eager to differentiate himself from Boomer in the eyes of the viewers, persisted. 

“OK BOOMER. We’ll stop BOOMER right away BOOMER, because you asked us BOOMER.” He laughed before adding “OK, Boomer.” 

The viewers could see Boomer trying his best not to cry, but the cameras soon picked up bright tears streaming down his cheeks as his face grew dark red. 

“Guuuuuyyyyssss,” he whined. “I’m seeeerious! It’s not funny anymore!”

By now Coach Cowher has recovered from his laughing fit, and so he too joined in. Soon he and Brown led Simms and Burleson in a sing-song chant.

“O-kay Boo-mer, O-kay Boo-mer,” they cawed mercilessly. Boomer fell to the floor and curled into the fetal position, sobbing uncontrollably. 

The cast stood up as if to start kicking Boomer, but viewers were disappointed when James Brown had to cut them off for a commercial break. When the cameras returned to the studio after 4 straight Arby’s commercials, everyone was back in their seats trying their best to compose themselves.

“We all like to have fun here, but I think it’s time to get down to business,” Brown said between giggles. “Who do you think is best poised for a Superbowl appearance?” he asked the sports analysts.

The rest of the cast gave their various opinions about football except for Boomer, whose tears had now been replaced with a vacant, faraway look. 

“Well, that’s all the time we have for today,” Brown said as the camera zoomed in on the deep sadness in Boomer’s eyes. “I’m James Brown, and joined today as always by Coach Cowher, Phil Simms, Nate Burleson and OK Boomer. We hope to see you next time on NFL Today.” The view faded to black with a look of perplexity on Boomer’s face as he tried to contemplate what just happened to him. 

At press time, viewers had mostly switched over to Inside the NBA to see Shaq pants Kenny Smith multiple times. 

Originally published Sep 30, 2022