More German Bishops out themselves as probably gay

MUNICH, GERMANY—In a stunning display of bravery, more German bishops revealed themselves to be probably gay yesterday when they spoke out against Pope Francis’ condemnation of same-sex blessings. 

The latest dissension comes on the heels of previous statements from prominent German bishops and clergy rejecting the order from the Vatican. 

“The life experiences and deep feelings of those who are homosexual or transgender have touched me very deeply,” wrote one prominent German Bishop. “But, like, definitely not my life experience as someone homosexual or transgender. Because I’m not. Yeah.” 

The movement for LGBQT+ acceptance in the Church is especially strong in Germany, with some surveys showing 70% of German Catholics in favor, and therefore probably gay. 

“It is now basically safe to assume what conservatives have been assuming for a while—anyone who rejects the Church’s teaching on same-sex unions is probably doing so because they are gay themselves,” said commentator Keith Flanders. 

This follows as another German Cardinal came out questioning how the Church could not endorse “intimate” relationships “expressed sexually,” even between same-sex couples. 

“Sounds pretty gay to me,” Flanders noted. 

Originally published Mar 30, 2022