Ultra-Chad man, of COURSE, is Eastern Catholic

The internet was abuzz Friday with revelations that Ernest Khalimov, the bodybuilder behind the popular “Ultra-Chad” meme, was Eastern Catholic. 

“I mean, of COURSE the symbol of coolness and masculinity belongs to the East,” whined Latin-Rite traditionalist Adam Kimmel. “They have EVERYTHING good.” 

Other Roman Catholics agreed.

“Ugh, first they don’t have to deal with liturgical crisis, now that have Chad-man himself? It’s just not fair,” seminarian John Sanchez said.  

Roman-Catholic Jess O’Malley told us, “Giga-Chad! Are you kidding me? How are they always so much better than us?” She threw down her copy of Amoris Laetitia in frustration. “They don’t have to deal with this intra-rite squabbles like we Romans do. Maybe its finally time to try and switch Rites,” she continued. 

“Yep, those Eastern Christians really have it good.”

UPDATE: At press time, Khalimov was excommunicated when the Eastern churches found out he was Russian. 

Originally published Oct 31, 2021