In spirit of penance, fish fry switches to $30 all-you-can-eat sushi menu

SEATTLE, WA–Fridays in Lent are supposedly a time of penance and self-sacrifice; yet many Catholics see their parishes throw extravagant fish fries to raise money during the purple season. 

One parish decided to take a stand. St. James Cathedral Parish in Seattle nixed the traditional battered cod and french fries and instead is serving $30 all-you-can-eat sushi platters. 

“The old deep-fried cheese fries and creamery-butter filet o’fish were just too delicious,” fish fry organizer Dory Pescarino told The Daily Inquisition. “It was time for a change–and what could be harder to stomach than piles of raw fish, rotting away inside of seaweed wraps?” 

Pescarino said she floated the idea to the rector, and he bit on it right away. 

“She gave me some sushi and told me the idea, and I was hooked,” the rector, Fr. Finn Caster, said. “It’s worked out very well so far. We’re getting so many new and interesting people to come to the parish now that I have never seen in church before!”

“Like that nice fellow,” he said, pointing to a blue-haired man with thick rimmed glasses and neck tattoos. 

Not everyone is so pleased, however. 

“I hate this newfangled flub they’re trying,” long-time parishioner Rod Snapper complained. “You used to be able to get a whole fried fish sandwich for a nickel. No way I’m paying $30 for some yappy-pappy fancy feast like this!”

He glowered at the nearby blue-haired man. 

“And you used to be able to eat your sandwich in peace, without anyone around to bother you. Now there’s all these weirdos around looking at me eat my cheese-fries.”

“I feel like I’m in a fishbowl. Let me tell ya–if they keep this up us old folks aren’t going to donate anymore,” he continued. “Then it’ll only be a matter of time before the parish is underwater for sure.”