St. Patrick thrilled to be honored with drunkenness, other heathen practices

St. Patrick day was reportedly “looking forward” to being celebrated with widespread excess again this year, according to angels close to him. 

“This is what I sacrificed all those years of my life for,” he was heard saying proudly. “Public displays of mortal sin!”

The Saint’s devoted followers were once again gearing up for a day of celebration in honor of Patricks’ service to Christ, with special itineraries planned to maximize alcohol consumption and contact with the opposite sex. 

“If we fast the day before, everything will hit us that much quicker,” local celebrant Chadwick O’Leary told his friends. “We should start on 5th Avenue and aim to get to Flannigan’s Pub around 3pm–they always have the hottest girls there, and they’ll be pretty wasted by then.”

Heavenly sources say that St. Patrick was pacing the clouds with anticipation at such a wonderful display of his Christian legacy, muttering what they assumed to be genuine exclamations of approval. 

“Just great. Great great great. Wonderful. I’m so thrilled,” he was heard saying. 

At press time, St. Patrick was seen slouching in the corner complaining to St. Nicholas.