Op-Ed: At least the art is really good

Let’s take a step back. 

I make beautiful art. That’s what I do. There’s been a lot of talk of removing that art from sacred spaces, and I’m guessing it has to do with that other stuff that there’s also been a lot of talk about. 

I create beautiful, inspiring works of art that anyone would be lucky to have gracing their parish or church. How could you possibly want to remove that?

Let me tell you, all great artists have their faults. Caravaggio murdered someone. Leonardo Da Vinci was gay (or whatever). Picasso was Spanish, I think. But the beauty they give to the world more than compensates for their shadows. People are accusing me of having lots of shadows, and want to discount my art because of it. But my mosaics are really good. 

I mean, where else can you find mosaics of Christ and Mary contorted into weird, elongated forms? Is there anyone who can make giant alien googly eyes like me? Name even one artist more comfortable in the “uncanny valley,” or anyone who makes their figures look not quite human. Go ahead, I’ll wait. 

The fact is I, and I alone, can produce such groundbreaking artistic breakthroughs.

No other art perfectly captures the otherworldly sense of these beloved figures from Scriptural myths. And so to lose such transcendent art from the houses of the Lord–our places of worship and sanctuaries for all the suffering, struggling, and hurt–would be a travesty far beyond anything I’ve been accused of.  

Editor’s note: This Op-Ed was authored with input by David Haas