Satan ‘disappointed’ in Dobbs ruling

WASHINGTON, DC—speaking to journalists from his Washington, DC office, the Prince of Darkness expressed he was “disappointed” in the Supreme Court’s decision to overturn Roe v. Wade.

“My legal team has suspected this result for some time now since the leaked draft opinion,” the Lord of Evil said in a joint session of Congress. “So, while it’s not surprising, I remain disappointed in the recent Dobbs vs. Jackson Women’s Health Organization decision.”

The Dobbs decision is a major setback in what was a virtually unbroken chain of victories for Satan’s legal team. Journalists were quick to ask what the Ruler of Hell was going to do now that the decision appeared to be final. 

“We’re going to keep fighting. So, we lost in the court system, for now, but that’s not the end. We’ve already mobilized our base in the major cities, and I think with enough pressure we can overrule the overruling,” he said as brimstone shot from his eyes. 

The Fox News correspondent pressed the Devil, asking what his backup plan was in case the ruling was indeed permanent.

“Some of you can remember our last setback like this, Brown v. Board of Education, and how quickly we recovered,” Satan interrupted. “So, I am confident if we lose in this area, we can find some new cases to win soon enough.”

Originally published Jun 24, 2022