After ‘Hillbilly Thomists’ success, Franciscans start ‘Hillbilly Franciscans’ with actual Hillbillies

A Dominican Friar bluegrass band calling themselves “The Hillbilly Thomists” has started to make waves in the underground Catholic music scene, and other orders want part of the action. 

The Franciscans, long-time rivals to the Dominican order, have started their own bluegrass band calling themselves “The Hillbilly Franciscans.” Spokesmen say this band is much more authentic to the true hillbilly-bluegrass spirit than the Dominican version, and expect the Franciscan band to take off.  

“Them Dominicans wit ther readin’ and ther writin’, them dun’t know REAL bluegriss,” Br. Billy-Bob Applejack, a founding member, told The Daily Inquisition. “Darn heck, I betcha ain’t hard’y nun o’ ‘em ev’r been real hillbillies befurr,” he droned. 

The Order of Friars Minor said they originally intended to go out and find actual hillbillies living on the road to start the band, thinking it would be a part of their charitable outreach to the poor. But it soon proved easier just to use their existing Franciscan brothers, most of whom were discovered to have been living on the road before joining the Order. 

“After that, it was actually hard to narrow it down to just twenty members,” Br. Frank Franciscan, head of the U.S. Franciscans said. “So, we ended up just making several bands to accommodate demand. This first one is ‘The Hillbilly Franciscans,’ but be on the lookout for other up-and-coming groups like ‘The Appalachian Assisis,’ ‘The Moonshining Minorites,’ and ‘Dunce Scotus’!”

Originally published Nov 24, 2021