New Bishop of Buffalo definitely excited he’s going to Buffalo

BUFFALO, NY—Pope Francis has announced Michael W. Fisher, Auxiliary Bishop of Washington, is to be the new Bishop of the embattled Diocese of Buffalo.

“Yeah, it’s just great. Real nice,” Bishop Fisher told us in an exclusive interview. 

Fisher is to replace Bishop Richard Malone, who resigned last year in the midst of the Diocese’s growing sex abuse scandals. 

Sources close to Bishop Fisher say he is “definitely excited” to be assigned to a Diocese that has garnered national ridicule for its rampant and devastating abuses. He is “especially pumped” to live in a city where temperatures can plummet as low as -20 degrees Fahrenheit, accompanied by several feet of snow. 

“And of course, don’t forget how it’s so dang poor,” Fisher was heard muttering under his breath. Sources quickly clarified that the Bishop was “truly ecstatic” about so many chances to serve afforded by the city’s high poverty rate, population decline, poor health. Bishop Fisher further commented on “what an honor” it was to be sent to a diocese with such a deep mistrust of the clergy, fiscal insolvency, and State lawsuits and investigations.

“If there’s any place in the entire world a Catholic Bishop would want to be right now, it’s Buffalo, NY!” he said through a forced smile.

“Go Bills!”  

Originally published Dec 2, 2020