Brave Pro-Life Lawmakers propose abortion ban at 7-years-old

A group of brave Catholic lawmakers stood up for life last week, proposing a bill to ban all abortions after the fetus reached 7-years-old.

“It’s time to say NO to the culture of death!” Rep. Jim Johnston, one of the authors of the bill, said to LifeSiteNews. “The sacredness of human life is in all stages, from conception until natural death.”

“That is why we are outlawing abortions done after 7 years into the pregnancy.”

The potential legislation is raising ire across the country, as activists say it will set women’s progress back years. 

“Imagine having to be tied to a clump of cells for eleven extra years,” a protester told The Daily Inquisition. “That’s the life-sentence these tyrants are trying to impose on us women! Far better to leave abortion legal through all 18 years, and give women a chance to choose their destiny.”

Alexis Johnson, CEO of Planned Parenthood, concurred. 

“Imagine, you’re a struggling minimum-income laborer with limited prospects of advancement. But one day you’ve finally saved up enough money to get that college degree,” she posited. “You’re so excited–finally, you can be the cancer research doctor you’ve always dreamed of being! But then, a snotty little 8-year-old clump of tissue comes around the corner demanding expensive food, water, and shelter.” 

She stuck out her tongue in disgust. 

“Would you really tell that woman, ‘Sorry, you can’t fulfill your dreams. You have to keep this ball of flesh alive.’ I would hope not!”

Alexis Johnson wasn’t the only one fighting the legislation, though many have given up on words. Various protest groups have taken to sometimes-violent action, defacing monuments and public buildings in an effort to make their voice heard. 

One such group, calling themselves “We Will Murder Rep. Johnston,” has led the rest in calls for aggressive action. They have sworn revenge on the authors of the bill, organizing “Hunting Party” events on social media. Such events feature the pictures and addresses of Rep. Johnston’s family and friends, often with red Xs drawn over their eyes. Authorities say they are not dangerous, but conspiracy theorists charge they are planning to harm Rep. Johnston and his loved ones.  

“I’m not concerned about it,” Rep. Johnston shrugged. “Frankly, I just love to see people practicing their First Amendment Rights of protest!”

A more serious threat, the Congressman said, was the growing list of corporations threatening to de-sponsor his upcoming campaign. But still such is a price he’s “willing to pay,” according to his campaign manager. 

“We knew there would be opposition, but we didn’t let that back us down from our principles,” Rep. Johnston’s office boasted. “Life is sacred, and we are demanding this country respect it: from 7-years-old and onwards.”  

“Except in cases of rape or incest, or for the life of the mother of course,” the spokesperson added.

At press time, the bill was defeated after most Republicans voted against it.